Day 251: Reflection of Hotel Quarantine

I had a quarantine order from 16 Jul - 26 Jul 2021. Everything happens just too quickly. Today is my last day of Quarantine order given by MOH. To me, it is like staycation at So Sofitel. The hotel services was great. The staffs tried their best to accomodate my diets, my toiletries and my needs.

The desk corner is like my drawing, dining, online, music place. I find it very comforting doing my own things at my own time and space. There are no house rules, just simply me. I can mess up or clean up the place whenever I want to. This is the kind of freedom that I want. To be honest, I am grateful to have this opportunity to stay at such a comfort and luxurious place at such a choatic situation. The external factors do not affect me anymore. I have come to a point to realise that since I have no control what will happen to me. I will take care and support myself instead.

I personally like this coffee corner. They make it like an mini bar where they keeps their cups and sauces, flash there.

Due to the space constrain, I like the compactness. I don't feel the room has anything lack. Probably the staffs also attend to my needs. I enjoyed the most is their plant based diets meals. The chef really prepare the meals well. I have some surpises in terms of taste and what kind of food they prepared and it was interesting. They gave me free flow of water. Previously I heard shangri-la has to ask the patrons to boil their water.

Quarantine isn't a bad thing if you know what are you going to do!

Instead of making myself feel bored, I planned for my staycation ahead. I made myself feel at home. I brought my books, masks, healthy snacks and food, my pen and paper. I spent most of my time watching movies, read Franz Ruppert book "Who am I in the traumatizing society."

This paragraph speaks to me.

Pyschotraumas cause the trama conditions to be permanently stored in the pyche and the body. The unbearable reality has to be located deep within himself and there it continues to exist, even if the outer reality is over.

Traumatised people have to make tremendous effort all the time, to prevent the intrusion of traumatic memories into their conscious perception. It is the only way in which they can resonably cope with their everyday life.

This means that a traumatised psyche finds it difficult to distinguish clearly and reliably
1） inside from outside
2） then and now
3） I from You
4） Reality from Friction

Te distinction between self and other people fails. The unfamiliar is experienced as one's own and what belongs to oneself to experienced as one's own.
For example, I feel like you
You think You are I

You believe / think that you can make decision about me, even though you have no control over yourself!

How true this statement is. We always think we have control over our life and someone else's life but no one has any control. The best relationship is you live your own life and I live my own. We just share our experiences when appropriately.

IOPT Healing Process I did my own healing process on thurs.
My intention is "I health".
Again, it was a very deep process.
My feelings were hurt by my family and friends.
I had to pretend to be someone that I think what people want me to be. Basically I lost myself. Those were the most painful experiences, especially the drawing experiences, after all the hurtful remarks, I was so afraid to draw again. I am so glad that the traumatised parts surface up and I acknowledge them. Thanks my survival parts protect my traumatised parts so well. I can release them now.

I can draw freely now Surprisingly, after this healing process, I am able to visualise what kind of house I want to live. I need space. I draw my dream home out, the way I want it. Another big shif is that I can draw a lot easier. I drew 2 artworks within these few days, I can draw more to connect with my own inner state. I feel very calm, focus and joyful whenever I draw. It is an theraputic experience! 用心去画就对了

Pandora encourages me to design products in future. Such as mugs, dishes, placemats, notepads, scarfs, stationary, tote bags etc. (She is a very humble lady. Later, I found out she is a very successful career woman, she no longer needs to concern about money as she is living in abundance. She told me that having a finanical stability will help me in my retirement. I do agree with her.) I felt so touched and thanked her for planting such wonderful ideas into me.

IOPT Hangout I also attended Rebecca's hangout as her topic covers the trauma of sexuality. She mentioned when we have sex in an unhealthy way, it is a form of disassociation from the presence. The body and the psyche have to split of in order not to feel the pain. What an insight to me. I guess it applies the same as food, TV programmes, my favourite korean dramas, gamblings, drugs etc

This special staycation makes me realise that time is precious and valuable. Money I can always make but once time is wasted, it is gone. My "me time" is precious, where I can connect with myself fully, truly and authentically. People around me, I will cherish as I cherish myself. I love you, Rachel.

Staying contact with myself makes me healthier, wiser and making better decisions for myself. The people, events and things happen to me have also become positive and supportive.

I am truly grateful for these new experiences. Finding back myself is amazing and it is truly a blessing!