Day 276: Honest with myself

I want to be honest with myself. I haven't been treating myself very well.

Day 275: Each day is a blessing, Carefree Day 17

As today is my rest day, I decided to pick up this book, given by my dear friend. It is a lovely book written by Anna Barnes, how to quieten your mind. It contains many beautiful images and text.

As early as 2008, I was told that I am enough. It was very hard to grasp, especially I always feel that I don't have enough all the time.

Of course, after many years of healing and self acceptance, I begin to feel I am enough, there is abundance around me. I am grateful. I am no longer feeling stuck. I am so much closer to myself now. Feeling more of Rachel now than anybody else. A client just paid me without me delivering the work first. He has so much trust and faith in my work. Of course, I will do my best for him.

Each day is indeed a blessing for me. Thank you.
#FunReading #QuietenYourMind

Day 274: Zen art - Sunflower

I like to draw Sunflowers as they bring brightness and cheerfulness into the space...

Decided to draw for Ruth... She was very happy to receive my card. A little kindness goes a long way

#ZenArt #Sunflowers

Day 273: GAB 6 Life Work and Career Reflection

I spend most of my life working. Work took away almost half of my life. As a child, I have an inclination in arts and drawings. However, my parents and most of my early childhood teachers were unable to see it. My mum is a home maker and my dad is a stock taker, their message to me were I need to work very hard for my money. I really suffered in my early days of my career. On top of that, they think my drawings or my work are ugly. Only one day my design teacher, Wendy Lee, asked me if I would like to explore design career when I graduate. I took her advice and my first job is becoming a web designer.

When I first begin my 1st job, my artworks were indeed awful and amateurish. As I progressed, I start to like design work, sometimes I can spend long hours just to get one piece of artwork complete. After designing graphics and websites for 15 years. My designing skills have become a second nature to me. It may be tough in the beginning, but I manged to overcome my own obstacles.

I developed life goals in 2008, when I want to improve and get better in my career.

There was no negative effect on the jobs that I applied. Because I know what I want at that point of my life. I probably felt I am disadvantage is I was unable to articulate well compare to my peers.

Yes, there are definately experiencing peaks and valleys in my career. I received a few awards in my career. They are a form of recognition. I also have good results in the later part of my studies that I took.

The downfalls are the 2 key courses that I took. When I had 2 depressions in year 2006 (Due to studies) and 2012 (Asiaworks, Personal Development). They break my thinking pattern and challenge me to take new paths. From corporate to self-employed, be more courageous to take an entrepreneurial path.

Yes, I am happy and contented to my life work. I am proud of myself, how far I have come along. However, I still need to strengthen my communication and leadership skills.

I don’t mind to choose this life work again but I am willing to explore people development type of work. I find them interesting as it touches lives and I also can understand myself a lot better.

What have you liked most and least about your life work? I like when I came out with beautiful ideas and concepts and I know I have given my best to the work that I done.

The least is when client once asked me to change 20 times of the same artwork. I feel it was pretty insane. I had a fight with her. But I did apologise to her. Apparently, she later on award me on Excellence service award in 2005. Currently when I meet such client like this, I will politely ask them if they can confirm the content so that we can be more productive in our work.

Based on my working experience, If I would say about work to a young person just starting out in adult life.
I would say
- Be curious and courageous in what you do.
- Don’t regret on things that you think you should do but didn’t do. It is over!
- Be persistence and have the grit that never gives up.
- Keep learning and growing.
- Stay humble even you think you are right.
- Have fun in your life, Life is not all is about work.

Day 272: Theory of Everything

An incredible story about Jane and Stephen Hawking.
"There should be no boundary between human endeavour," said Stephen Hawking
Despite of Stephen's illness, he never stops exploring life. That's what makes him who he is.
Everything is not just a story about the science behind the beginnings of our universe, but the science of love.
How life's challenges that we face everyday, shape who we are and what we achieve. I personally feel that hope goes a long way. Where there's life, there's hope.


I say YES to my life!
#TheTheoryofEverything #StephenHawking

Day 271: KDrama - Coffee Prince

This drama is made in 2007. Choi Han-kyul (Gong Yoo) is the grandson of chairwoman Bang (Kim Young-ok) of Dong-in Foods, a company that has a thriving coffee business. He has never had a job and does not care for responsibility. Han-kyul is hung up on his first love, Han Yoo-joo (Chae Jung-an), who only sees him as a friend. Go Eun-chan (Yoon Eun-hye) is a 24-year-old tomboy who is often mistaken for a guy. Her father died when she was 16 years old and since then she has taken over as the breadwinner in her family. When Han-kyul and Eun-chan meet, he, not knowing that she is a girl, decides to hire her to pretend to be his gay lover so that he can escape the blind dates arranged by his grandmother.

After getting an ultimatum from his grandmother, Han-kyul takes over a rundown old coffee shop, later renamed "Coffee Prince," to prove that he's capable, both to his grandmother and to Yoo-joo. In order to attract female customers, he only hires good-looking male employees. Eun-chan, desperate for money, continues to hide her gender to get a job at Coffee Prince.

Soon, feelings start to develop between Eun-chan and Han-kyul. As Han-kyul is unaware that Eun-chan is a woman, he starts to question his sexuality and is thrown into turmoil. When Han-kyul finds out that Eun-chan is a woman, he gets angry. But soon, they make amends with each other and the two fall in love again. Eun-chan eventually leaves for Italy to study to become a barista with Han-Kyul's support. They maintain a long distance relationship and she returns after 2 years having become an accomplished barista.

Reflection
There are a lot of Korean dramas I love, but if I had to choose my all-time favorite drama, this is one of the lovely drama that I enjoyed. I can’t pinpoint exactly what is so great about Coffee Prince because it truly is one of those well-rounded shows where the stars just seem to align and make magic. The casting is great, the writing is great, the acting is great, the subject matter is still relatively relevant even in 2021, and every element seems tailored-made for the production. It’s sweet, romantic, fun and funny, full of heart Kdrama.

The past and current Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun-hye I just realised Gong Yoo acted in Guardian! No wonder I find him so familiar.

Day 270: FGS Global Online Dharma Test

我考完了！大多数的题目都会答。幸好是是非题和选择题，又能看题库，我一直翻答案 🤣 还好早上有抱佛脚, 佛陀有照顾我 😄

感谢这次的因缘，加强我的佛学知识。
尽力就好，功德圆满 Yay!
用了很多脑力，要休息了 😛

过了一个星期后。。。
佛学会考考得不错喔！
但是我还是要行在生活中。。。
佛陀有照顾我😄
继续加油😘

"初心易发, 恒心难持"
"不忘初心, 坚持到底"
#修行中 ＃国际佛学会考

Day 269 GAB 5 Spirituality Self Reflection

I felt very lost when I was in my 30s. I don’t know where my life will bring me. At the same time, I had depression for 2 years. I was looking for my spiritual answers. What is my life purpose in this universe? I needed guidance.

I found my answers in Buddhism. At age of 33, I decided to be a Buddhist, to practise the Buddha’s teachings. How to be a good being and help the people around me, while I continue to cultivate my own character and values.

Family Practise
In my family, we practised the Taoism way where we pray to ancestors and we also practise the Buddhism way, where my mum prays to Bodhisattvas and my sister pray to the Buddha but they don’t study the Dharma. They try to be a good human in this life. We have a Guan Shi Yin, Goddess of Compassion Statue in my living room, where my mum will pray for us every day to ensure our well-being and work is smooth and good.

As I mentioned, my family pray to my ancestors, so during my grandparent’s death dates, month of Tomb Sweeping Day and Lunar month of July, we will pray to the deceased for peace and may they reborn at a better place.

In the past, I felt uncomfortable and I didn’t understand why do we have to pray and hold the joss sticks and make the place so messy, pollute the environment and do a lot of praying preparation for people who have passed on. But now I understand. To pray to our ancestors is to acknowledge their contribution and to appreciate what they have done for us. It is based on love and respect for them, and the belief that they have a continued existence. It cultivates filial piety and family loyalty, and motivates people to continue the family traditions.

As these practise are still Chinese tradition, I try to educate my parents to pray vegetarian food, burn less offerings as they don’t need them so that my ancestors can get more merits than demerits.

My Own Practise and Reading Spiritual Books
As I am the only “official” Buddhist in my family, I practise the tradition way of Buddhism. My main practices are meditation, sutra calligraphy and reciting heart sutra. Most of the time, I do it alone but at times when I attend the retreat, it will be in groups, not more than 50 people. There are benefits in doing alone, I can do whenever I feel that I need to do, for group retreat, you can sense the energy is stronger and calmer, lesser distractions.

Sometimes I went to Brahm Centre for mindfulness retreat. They embrace all kinds of religions. We are open to share our practise and it is non religion. I think it is very comfortable and safe space to practise spirituality. There is no judgement on other faiths.

I have many spiritual teachers in my life. I read many spiritual books. Before I become a buddhist, I read Dr. Wayne Dyer, change your thought, change your life and Louise L. Hay, You can heal your life. Ven Thubten Chodron, Tibetian nun, Transforming our daily activities, Ajahn Brahm, Opening the door of your heart. I started to read Ven Master Hsing Yun books, I decided I want to become a Buddhist in this lifetime.

What Spirituality means to me
Spirituality encompasses all beings, there is no need to judge who is better and wiser. At the end of the day, all beings want to be enlightened from our own practise.

As I mentioned, I felt very lost when I was 30s. I don’t know where my life will bring me. After 9 years of Buddhism practise, I feel supported and guided. To me, Buddhism is a way of life. How to live in the present moment.

Here are some of the questions I will ask myself from time to time.
- How can I love and grow myself mentally and spiritually?
- How can I free from my own mental and life suffering?
- How can I be wiser as I age and support others at the same time?

I used to wait for things to happen. I have been waiting all my life. Waiting for the "perfect" moment. Obviously, it didn't happen. It is an illusion that I had.

Today, I choose to take my own spiritual path that I have faith in. I am imperfect but
I am perfectly alright to take the actions that I need.

The answers are in the moments.
How might I 'be that one' today?

Day 268: GAB 5 Spirituality

Today, I attended 5th GAB, it is about spirituality and gender identity.

One of the excerises is Draw a picture of yourself as teen (stick figures are welcome!)

What did you wear? What did you say? （You can use speech bubble to indicate this）
I remembered I always like to wear the demin jumpsuit. Everytime my mum wash it, I will wear it. I really like it. Of course, I don't wear it anymore.

Write down the names of people whom you wanted to be like.
I want to be myself. Not other people. I see a lot of values about myself. I don't need and I don't want to be another person.

If you could speak once with the adolescent you once were, what would you say? what advice would you give?
I was a very shy and timid girl during my adolescent. I would tell younger self, "You are courageous. Take one step at a time and learn from different people, to gain knowledge. Take chances to experience life. I love you."

The older I get, the more I seek for inner peace, loving myself more, knowing that no one else can love me more than I do.



Yiruma - Love me.
There are no words to describe what I am listening on a deeper level. I get to decide how it makes me feel rather than the words telling me.

The melody of tranquility, calmness and harmony in his masterpieces are so amazing. It connects to the heart and the soul. I really can feel it with my whole heart This healing piece don't have lyrics but it just makes me feel understood in some way.
So emotional... So relaxing... So lovely...
I feel so loved and cherished :)

Day 267: Rejuvenate Day

It has been a very long while since I exercise, about 2 months. My body doesn't really want to move. But isn't I am making my body worse, accumulate more toxins? Don't worry, be happy.

I can't understand myself at times. There are days I am fully committed, discipline and I deliver what I want. There are days, I just felt that it is too routine. I need a break. To balance off the structure and strict rules that I built over the years.

Of course, there's no right or wrong. It is about balance. Too much good, is bad. Too much bad, is no good!

I am happy to put in drawing moments for myself. I recognise, this is so me. It is one way to connect and contact with myself fully. I am in love with myself. I feel so good! Even my coach says my face glows recently :)

Day 266: IOPT healing on Money

This afternoon I was going through my relationship with money. I started to emo a bit.
No doubt my relationship with money has improved. I feel that I still have to strive very hard for money to come by.

I went through the bills one by one and see how much I can pay for this month. How much money do I need to make in order to make a profit each month and how much money can I attract? These are realistic questions and there is no way to escape but to be truthful to myself. I see the numbers at least I know in my heart that these are the amount that I have to make.

It could be a coincidental or a good alignment to help the client.
I was asked to be a resonator for a client process. Her issue is also her relationship with money. I was quite shock and amazed that her emotions and feelings are exactly how I feel about money. The interesting part, her experiences with money are almost same as mine.

I felt that she understood my pains and sorrows that I had to deal with money. My internal state didn't want money, but the truth is I still have monthly bills to pay, right? When the client cried badly, I can empathise with her. This was exactly how I feel about my life too. The anxiety just came out, I understood because I don't trust money and that has to do a lot with mother.

This month, I am going to do my money process so that I understand and confirming what is hindering me all these years. In the past, I didn't want to face it because it is too painful. But if I don't face the real pain, the money issue will always be there. Wish me luck!