During my secondary, I was a very shy girl, on top of that my mother was very strict with me and my sister. We are not allowed to date anyone until we are 18. My mother always told us, we need to protect ourselves. However, I got involved with a boy but we didn’t end up well. I was heartbroken. In the end, the 2nd, 3rd and 4th relationships that didn't work out as well. I didn't see any hope with any of the partners, I felt I was not good enough for anyone. Of course now, I have made a closure of my first relationship, I can finally move on already.
During my working life, because I was shy in nature. I have lost many golden opportunities. I realised that I can’t live the life like that anymore. I started to open myself to join toastmasters where I can improve my communication skills. I also realised how close up I was, I have issues with social and communication skills. I have issues expressing myself. End up my landed-on projects I didn’t like or I feel that I have no choice.
As I interact with more people with different walks of life, the people showed me with different perspectives, I don’t have to suffer like what I did in the past. My world has expanded and broaden. At age of 33, it was another turning milestone for me, as I want to find out who I really am.
When I start to love myself, my perspective about myself changed tremendously. By caring for myself genuinely and asking what I truly want and needs, I see the beautiful side of me.
I used to see that the imperfect me a lot, “Rachel, you need to improve this, you need to improve that. You are just not good enough.” Behind every voice, there is an emotion. For now, I see myself as who I am, I am perfectly okay to be me.
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