Taking charge of my life

After attending yesterday's class "Working with emotions", I do have some insights about myself. I realised the importance of taking control of my own life. Emotions come to me moments to moments. I feel that I have some clarity finally.

I have been seeking for answers for many years, asking what is the purpose of my life. Whenever I cant find any answers, I just live quietly with my life and from time to time attended various self development courses, hoping to that I may get the answers that I want. Walking through all the rollercoaster of my emotions then finally today I realised that I just want the inner peace and lasting happiness within my heart.

Yes, there are many teachers out there to teach about life. But what truly make senses to me is how I really feel about life, how I walk through my own obstacles and challenges and how I get my own wisdom and develop compassion.

All these things that I need to learn is to do and experience it. There is no better way of experience then to learn from the experts and to do it.

I bought a book yesterday called "Be your own Life Coach." written by Jeff Archer. Although I only read a couple of pages and about living healthy lifestyle. I get to learn more about myself. I am truthful about myself. The top 5 things that makes me happy:

1. Joy of Crafts
When I am doing craft work, experimenting how to make the products look great and pleasing. I felt a sense of achievements. That explains whenever I look at those gift wrapping, origami, craft papers, handwork related work, I could pick up within secs. It is effortless to me because I truly enjoy what I do and immerse myself into making things.

2. Joy of Relationships
I love being with my family, friends and people that I care about. They are the people who enriches my life. I love being with them. The quality time that I spend with them are meaningful and I cherish the time with them. I understand relationships need to be built and not taken for granted. In the past, I cant appreciate the bonding and love. I felt it is unnecessary.

But now, things have changed. I started to value people relationships. Why two people or a group of people are together, it is simply because of the karmic affinity. We do not know when these karmic affinity is going to end, thus we need to cherish the people around us. The best gift I can give to my love ones is my attention and presence at the present moment.

3. Joy of Swimming
Swimming is always my favourite sport. Even though I have tons of activities I like to join. However, swimming allows me to be myself, to be relax, to stay calm, at ease and composed. I love the water that touches my skin. Cooling and peaceful. :)

Before I learn how to swim, I already fall in love with the water. That's the reason for so many years, despite I can't swim well at all. I never give up on learning how to swim! Swimming gives me courage and strength as well. Having phobia in the past, does not weaken my belief of learning how to swim properly. Now I can swim at least 4-5 laps, feeling at ease!

4. Joy of Traveling
I love traveling because it broadens my horizon. I get to learn more things and culture from other countries. Even though it is usually a short trip. Last time I envy those people who can travel a lot. But now, I no longer have these thoughts of enviousness because it is unnecessary. I just need to work within my own means. There will be time where I get to travel and experience the culture from the various countries.

Perhaps I can start writing down the list of places that I will like to visit and plan accordingly. I think it will be more realistic and I get to materialise it.

The next country I want to visit is London in 2013. Partially is because I want to visit my Uncle Bob and Aunty Lyn and Cousin Jason. I want to fulfill this trip as I want to spend quality time with my relatives who are dear to me. Working towards my London Trip!

5. Joy of Smiling
I feel that life without a smile is meaningless to live. I love to smile and giggle a lot especially with my dear friend, Siew Siew. I remembered one day my ex boyfriend told me that I become crazy whenever I am with Siew Siew and he didn't like it. I was affected when he said that. I didn't dare to tell Siew Siew because I worried I will affect her as well. Even though, we are no longer together, I already believed from that day onwards, I reduced the times I smile. I always find reasons that I need to smile then I smile. That was so painful!

Having this awareness, I know that I do not need to be the worrisome kid that I used to be. So what if I smile and laugh for no good reason, does that going to harm or kill anyone? The answer is NO! I was too bothered by some negative remarks that I have forsake my true self. That was really silly and how it affected my well being, which I didn't even realise it!

Nowadays, I didn't mind what other people think when I laugh or smile because it is my true nature and character. I love smiling and this is the fact!