When I was a baby, I wasn’t born to be healthy. My mum told me that her gynae gave her the wrong medication when I was in my mum’s womb. She also told me that she fell down twice while she carried me during my womb’s time. Hence, I don’t feel safe and welcome in this world.
During my childhood days, although my mum was a housewife. She didn’t have time for me. My dad has to work so I hardly saw him at home. I needed my parents’ attention. To me, falling sick is a “good” way to get their love and attention. Of course, I know it was a foolish thinking. That is how badly a child wants love and attention from their parents.
As my medical doctor was caring, I went to visit him often. His caring words made me feel that I am being cared for! He couldn’t understand why I fell sick so easily. Now I reflected, I probably wanted his attention. When I was in my 30s, around 2008, I wanted to find my own meaning in life. What are the ways can I make myself less stressful and feeling more alive? I started to look for my own answers.
I decided to made a U-turn for those unhealthy choices. I start to exercise in 2012, I have been eating “healthier” food, exercise regularly, that includes running 10km. My intention is to have a healthy lifestyle. It seems like these efforts were too late. At age 40s, I was diagnosed with Diabetes, 13.7 and High Cholesterol 4.4 in March 2018. I was shocked because since I have been taking care of myself. Why do I have such chronic illness? At the back of my mind, it was almost impossible.
Instead of accepting the illness, I got even more upset and frustrated emotionally and mentally. The illness got worse as I was feeling injustice, even though I tried to eat healthy foods every day. When I ate healthy foods with negative emotions, how can my body absorb the good nutrients? It seems like wasted effort, time and money.
One day, a wise friend told me to change the way I think about this illness. Transform it into a friend, instead of a burden.
I also uncovered that I wanted to save my mum, who is having 3 highs, high blood, high cholesterol and diabetes unconsciously, to reduce her illness suffering. Unfortunately, I can never do that for her. I can only help myself.
I heed my friend’s advice; I changed my thoughts. Instead of 2 suffering people (my mum and I) living together, suffered in silence, may I be the one to make 2 people healthier. Somehow the feeling of bitterness faded away, I got better.
I learnt from 2 nutritionists, how to prepare clean and healthy food, plant-based diets. I tried to understand what are the health benefits when I choose to eat boiled or steam food, instead of processed or oily food. Increase in fiber and nutrients and reduce in meat intake. It is indeed living a life with a healthy intention.
I also started making changes in my kitchen cupboards, putting the nutritious food in the cupboards and fridge. I even labeled my muesli jar, so that I can take back my ownership. This helps me to reprogram my mind that I can’t change what has happened to me, but I can change how I respond to my life.
Fast forward, my blood sugar is currently 8.0 and my cholesterol is 2.5, as of 24 May 2021, it is borderline case. My hard work and heart work pay off. It is not that easy to change. Need to change mindset, educate myself what to eat and have discipline to follow through. At least, it is working for me. Now I understand it is not just about making changes to my body (physical aspect only), also about my mental and emotional aspects. That is why it is called Wholistic Well-Being!
I trust the healing process; I am still working on my wellness. I celebrate every small healthy step that I take and gain back my health.
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