Friendships

Someone who I always think of him as my friend, turns out to be someone who I don't even know him at all. Why is it so hard to develop true friendship? I think it is partly because the nature of friendship is changing as society changes. People get together could be the fact of fearing a pervasive sense of loneliness, social isolation and lack of meaningful connections between people. True and enduring friendships seem more like a rarity these days, not something we can take for granted.

People come to me not knowing how or where to find and form friendships. Plus, when there is a break or misunderstanding in a friendship, people tend to be more distress over that than a fight with a spouse. Maybe we have forgotten how to be friends. Maybe we're too self-focused and self-centered, worried about whether our needs are being met, rather than focusing on what we have to give to a friend.

Friendship is often idealized and romanticized. Quoted by Ralph Waldo Emerson: "The only way to have a friend is to be one."

Certainly friendships that nurture and support are to be cherished, but are friendships always about making each other feel good? Are they just "mutual admiration societies?" In some cases friendships are also about challenging each other to grow and develop. The intimacy that goes with good friendships can be
enlivening, but the challenges of friendships can also be stressful. When we have intimacy, as in "into-me-see," we want the best for and from our friends.

We want them to reach their full potential, realize their dreams and overcome their limitations. Quoted Henry Ward Beecher, who said, "It is one of the severest tests of friendship to tell your friend his faults. So to love a man that you cannot bear to see a stain upon him, and to speak painful truth through loving words, that is friendship."

What do psychologists have to contribute to the understanding and development of friendships? Psychologists study the relationship between social support and the ability to manage stress. In short, friends help you to deal with stress better. Further, the quality of your friendship circle is a rough predictor of the state of your mental health. Friends are like money in the bank or a garden - something you invest in and tend and that you to draw upon in times of need. A well developed friendship circle suggests a well-rounded life and the ability to weather life's challenges better.

Life is full of pressures and challenges. Without true and enduring friendships, it will be much tougher to pull through our life's challenges ahead of us.