Journal Day 32: #myself

Tonight I helped Becky to do her intention: Why am I afraid of success?

Her process triggers the fear in me too.
Fear of Hardship
Fear of Doing too many things
Fear of Rejection
Fear of Being Judge
Fear of Showing up

I also don't allow myself to cry in the past. But I do now. If I really need to cry, I just allow myself to cry.

I need to focus on myself.
Allow myself to feel what I am feeling right now.
Allow myself to feel sadness within me.
What am I struggling right now?
Show empathy for myself.
Listen to myself.
#myself

Journal Day 31: Random Thoughts

Today I had a zoom meeting with Edy. Glad that he is open for ideas and align with him quite well.

I also met Christie, had a good conversation with her. I learnt to make sure she can commit before I proceed.

Ee Dzu was stressed with her work. Hope that I can guide her to destress. Hope that she can come out with her own solutions that she can accept and agree with.

Happy to make mooncake with Swee Chen and some of the GBA ladies.

As for myself, I feel that recently I am more focus and at ease with the things I want to do and achieved them. Good news is I won a free healing session with Evelyn. I hope I can heal myself and able to receive another breathroughs.

The most interesting part of these random thoughts is that they might not be random after all. Scientists think that these memories are trying to help you solve a problem.

Scientists believe that random thoughts are likely the result of memory processing and also creative thinking. You may start to notice that you have mind-pops more often when you have a problem that you want to solve.

It’s as if you have told your brain to search for things that can help you solve the problem and your brain responds with random things that are connected.

Why Random Thoughts are Actually Important, Backed By Science

People who experience frequent random thoughts tend to rate higher on tests of creative thinking. In a study of the brains of research subjects and their random thoughts, ‘High-frequency mind pops were significantly associated with “larger grey and white matter volume in the prefrontal cortex. This increase in mind pops is also linked to higher creativity and the personality trait of ‘openness.”

HOW YOU CAN MAXIMIZE RANDOM THOUGHTS FOR YOUR BENEFIT
Being mindful is the best way to make use of random thoughts to enhance your creativity. Here are a few ideas to help you allow your random thoughts solve problems for you:

* Dwell on the random thought for 90 seconds – Sing along with the song or immerse yourself in the memory that was brought up.

* Read 7 Things That Keep You From Living in the Now – Our guide to avoiding things that keep you from being mindful will help you make use of random thoughts when they happen.

* Think briefly about your current problem – What is it that you are currently struggling with?

* Think about how the random thought connects to the problem – Is there a connection between the random thought and the problem?

Journal Day 30: Make an effort, not an excuse.

Today I feel like renew myself so I reselect my message. It says,"Make an effort, not an excuse" How adaptly!

Jia Huey commented my room is too dark. I took her advice and go to Lazada to by a new portable light stand. I think it is useful for me for recording as well. It is an investment for my business.

I find that the audio is too lengthy and I made an effor to shorten the clip, so that it doesn't take up my space.

I took efforts to find out what exactly needed to be done. Making efforts made me feel that I am contributing, I am living in the present moment.

I will put in effort in Pier71 microsite and posters. It has become more manageable.

Journal Day 29: Self Care: I want myself

Today, I give myself two rounds of exercise. Zumba@Bishan Park and walked 10k steps around Labrador Park.

Thankfully the weather is great. Cloudy and windy with light rain, makes the experiences really comfortable.

I shall let myself rest for tomorrow.

Spend a bit of time with myself today.
Relook at the notes that I pen down.

Top 3 desires that I want myself
1) I want to say "Yes" to myself.
2) I want to accept myself fully.
3) I want to be true and authentic.

Journal Day 28: Listen to my Heart

Today is FGS Teachers Dharma Class online gathering. I feel blessed and touched by the FGS video; how FGS rebuilt Buddhism in India, watched the students performance and gratitude words.

At night, I happened to recieve invitation to watch Imee Ooi's Metta Sky. Grateful to be able to hear Heart Sutra with such a beautiful voice.

A short reflection:
Have I be kind to myself and others?
Have I made a difference in people's lives?
Have I learned my lessons well?

I am glad to have a conversation with Ee Dzu. She shared with me that if I want peace be mindful of which of the moments I am experiencing peace and which moments I don't.

Pen down my experiences.

It is pretty useful so that I understand myself better.

Journal Day 27: Arts Communication Fundamentals

I attended "Arts Communication Fundamentals" organised by Quantico.

This online course is pretty intersting.

What strike me most are:
1）What is the story and meaning that I do?
2) What are my values: Building Trust and Lasting Relationships
3) What can I do to impact people lives?

When people connects, they see if there is trusts, align with the values and common goals.

I met the 2 copywriters in ad agencies, 1 jazz singer and 1 public service health manager. Why not I connect them through emails first?

Journal Day 26: Plan for 2021

Attended Evelyn and Jeffrey's workshops. Both of them shared good content on how to move forward to end 2020. I still left with 97 days.

What do I want to achieve before this year ends?

Give more self love
Reduce stress and anxiety (Meditation, Laughing and Exercising)
Increase in Energy in 2021 (No wonder I signup for Toni Baker's Love your Liver Program so instantly)
Self-Motivated, feel more joy
Be more clear in my life (No wonder I am so discipline to journal my life these few months, so that I can see and feel my own rythmn and theme)
Have more design thinking training in place

Today, I want to tell myself.
I am doing okay. I care for my well being.
I am a discipline person. I take actions and followup now.
I know I can do it.
Let me have the patience and do things differently for now. It's not difficult when I do things gradually, but it's difficult when I do things in a short period of time.

Journal Day 25: Blessed with my Coaches

Today I feel blessed to work with my coaches Evelyn, Hyder and Jeffrey.

Evenlyn worked on my emotions aspects.
Hyder worked on my mindset aspects.
Jeffrey worked on my business aspects.

Hyder touched me emotionally today. He said,"Allow my favourite states to set in. Go to bed with happy feeling, waking up feeling happy, calm and peaceful."

Indeed, the wonderful morning experiences to set the day right.

I am accountable for my own life.
I take charge of my own life, my decisions.
I learn to trust myself now.
It is okay to make changes, change for improvements.

Journal Day 24: Double My Self Confidence

I attended Evelyn's First Day "Double Your Self Confidence". I haven't been working on my business.

I go through the trigger points
Fear of Rejection
Fear of Unwanted
Fear of not good enough
(These feelings are much reduced after my confidence grew tremendously.)

I am more willing to face my anxiety.
When people reject me, I feel hurt.
I believe this hurt comes from the very young part of me. I am releasing the hurt in me. I choose to let go. It no longer serves me. Enough is enough.

Journal Day 23: Helping yourself by helping others

I woke up late today. Nevertheless, I still willing to go to the AMK park to walk.

The internet was unstable today but I am glad to ask Edy to brandstorm what are the ways to get clients, how can we help them.

Breakdown the costing for the clients
Provide installments plans when necessary
Understand our customers and speak their lingo

Met Melvin Tan, Loon and Steven
Steven is a trainer for startup
Loon is a mentor for youth startup
Melvin is the coordinator
They seem to have interesting businesses
I will discuss more with Edy to see how we can collaborate with them.

At night, I helped to reasonate in 2 IOPT Processes.
6.30pm: It is about an old lady who refused to see her parents as prepetrators even though they have verbally abused her.
8pm: It is about an only child, despite him holding on to his parents' stress and burden, he is doing that to himself as well.

When I saw these 2 processes, I sort of feel that I also want to protect my own parents and holding on to my parents wish and wants. I neglected myself. How am I able to connect with myself too?

I feel my own helplessness, sadness, frustrations, anger. I can feel my own anxiety. Why saying Yes to myself seems so challenging and difficult? How can I say YES to myself sincerely and genuinely that I truly want myself?

Can I feel it now?

Journal Day 22: Exercise and Curry Puffs Day

Today I had a great day with Meiyan, Stephanie and Ee Siew. We had morning breakfast, light exercise (walking and stretching), rest awhile, start eating po piah at Ee Siew place for lunch. We took many amusing, fun photos.

After lunch, we start preparing curry puffs, Meiyan and Stephanie work very fast. Ee Siew start making the dough into circles and we star to make them into puffs. I finally learnt how to fold the sides into patterns. After fry and bake, the puffs turns out to be not bad.

We had a good laugh during the DIY Facial masking.

I slept early last night, I played with Ting Ting too. She likes stickers but the stickers that Ee Siew gave me no longer that sticky. But it is okay, we had fun!

Journal Day 21: Learn to delegate tasks better

Today is MTS Dharma Class Test games. I feel calm and collected. Perhaps a lot of workload are shared among the Dharma teachrs, hence it was pretty easy for me.

I learnt to delegate out tasks. I think it is an important skill to grow as a leader. I helped to oversee if everything is in place. My role has unconsciously changed. I empower others to grow with me and people around me benefit as well.

I feel when I let go, I am less controlling, I am more in the flow. I trust myself more. I am able to care and love myself bit better. It feels like getting know an old friend.

When I trust myself. I know I can depend on myself. This feeling is very good. I feel very grounded and I feel stable. I like myself.

Journal Day 20: Reframing of the Mind, Doing new things with Joy

I feel tired today, rushing out more of the pages for NUS Newslettere. Busy days recently but it is a good busy because I am doing new things.

Boring is a sign of consistency, it means that doing the same thing over and over again. Expect different results is craziness.

Allow openness, find new ways if the first idea doesn't work, keep trying, definately there is a method that will work well. That is the right solution.

Reframing of the mind
How might we...

Journal Day 19: Shifting My Mindset

Today I realise that what I thought I can't do, I can do. By shifting my mindset, our mind is very powerful. Be kind to my mind.

Today it was really a busy day for me, exercise, working on Pier71 and NUS Newsletter Jul - Sep, I only completed half of them. OMG! Hopefully tomorrow, I will be able to complete the first draft of the newsletter.

I need to sleep now 休息师为了走更长远的路

Yeow said," As we age, it is even more important to be physically, mentally active. Once inactive / sedentary, problems start to kick in. Qi slows down, toxins start to accumulate and inflammation appears!"

Take care ya!!!

Journal 18: Do I care enough for myself?

I feel good that I can help Priscilla and her team to complete Accelerate Website Event. It is a team effors and when everyone supports each other, good things happend.

Today I attended Design Thinking Webinar. I knda disappointed to attend as it is not related to Design Thinking.

I ended up attending Financial Literacy Webinar, but I still can learn something from the trainer.

To save 10% of my income. (Pay myself first. It is do able.) Pay bill first secondly (Do able.)

Save at least 6 months of my income.

I will save at least $200 monthly progressively.

I get more projects in.

Build more quality relationships with people.

Build deeper connection with myself.
Do I care enough for myself? I do care for myself now.

Journal Day 17: Empathise myself and others

Today I went to see Jessica IOPT process.

Her 'I' was given up at a very young age. That reminds me about how I have given up my own 'I' for others. It was indeed a painful process. I am able to empathise myself and others.

Today I was very busy with Pier71 and NUS Newsletter. I got to put in more efforts in the Newsletter.

I will sleep early tonight so that I have more energy for my lessions tomorrow. I feel lack of energy tonight, maybe I didn't sleep well last few nights.

Journal Day 16: Put in more efforts in preparing my meals

As I continue my healing journey, I decided to put in more efforts in preparing my meals. Today, I prepared oats meal (14 Sept 2020 and 11 Jan 2021) and I will preparing chocolate nuts milk shake tomorrow (12 Jan 2021).

What I feel like telling myself is I like the state of being, I feel more grounded, be in the moment. I am able to be more focus and productive.

I give my best to myself and people around me. I want to connect with myself more emotionally. I want to feel myself. I am grateful to be me. I watched a video that says,"Stop following others, be who I really am and I will be able to shine light onto others."

This ia good reminder to focus on myself.

Journal Day 15: Recap Plant-based Diets

Today I spent 5 hours at Yeow's place to relearned about plant based diets, together with Thiru, Pat, Ee Dzu. A the end of the class, Yeow asked what have we learned today.

I took away these 5 tips.
1) Mitochondria turns food and oxygen into energy.
2) Plant based diets heals and repairs the body.
3) Toxin makes us fat, we need to detox to release the toxin.
4) Exercise helps us too. ie shakes like a tree.
5) Rest heals and repairs the cells.

Moving forward
1) Oats and smoothies in the morning.
2) Buy fruits and deep green leafy vegetables（kai lan / kale) can make massage salad. Invest $900 in wholefood monthly.
3) Exercise regularly in the morning.
4) No oil for the food that I prepare.
5) Give Self love in the process

Journal Day 14: Zabo 美女如云

Today I spent whole day with Manice, Stephanie, Meiyan and Ee Siew at Teng Bespoke (Sunshine Plaza) and Josh's Grill (Bugis Junction), celebrating Manice's Birthday. It was pretty sweet gathering. We eat the whole day. Fortunately, I didn't eat too much carbs and I took amla powder, so the blood sugar didn't spike up. I think exercising and sleeping early do play a part in controlling the sugar.

Meiyan went to setup Zabo 美女如云 chat group. where we build genuine friendship together. I am blessed to have them in my life. They are positive, caring and direct. That what makes real friends, right?

Thanks Meiyan help me to get this cute image, 禅师坐在云端修禅定 . It is beautiful.

Journal Day 13: Feeling Joyful

Today I had a great time at Yen Yuen's place. Thank you for her efforts to cook for Manice and I. We had fun and I really very long time never played to heartedly.

I feel very grateful and thankful. I realise that many things are beyond my control. What I can control is my own heart. I want to heal my heart. I am prepared to release the pains in my heart. 过去事不可得，现在事不可得，未来事不可得。

I will spend time connect with myself. When I feel calm and peaceful, I am connecting with myself. It is very calm and pleasant feeling, no anxiety, no fear, no anger. The feeling is amazing. I am contented. 心无挂碍，无挂碍故。

Journal Day 12: Rejections

Today Vanessa from Blind Dogs Singapore shares that the choice of choosing the vendor is Price and Design. I wasn't affected as I understand she wasn't the type of clients that I am looking for or having the right conditions to work together.

Regjections are part of life. You win some or you lose some. I will focus on myself and people who want to work with me. It will be more valuable and meaningful.

I thank you and I love You Rachel :)

Journal Day 11: I will take care of my own needs

What I want to say is I will take care of my own needs. By saying yes to myself, it is self love.

Today, I start using the "Habit" App. It is pretty cool. It helps me to monitor my own progress.

I mentioned to Hyder about my own anxiety. The anxiety comes from my younger self. She needs her own space, connect with myself in the present moment.

I spend almost every day at the park. That reduce my anxiety.

I dreamt that I screwed up 2 presentations. I felt so upset and disappointed with myself. In the reality. I didn't close 2 deals, one overseas project and Blind Dogs Singapore. Perhaps, I wasn't ready emotionally to help them. Thank God that I didn't take up their projects because I don't have time for them.

It is okay. I should focus on myself and NUS Enterprise, Pier71 Event. Bhawani and Priscilla trusted me and gave me the projects. I will serve them well. :)

Today's Affirmation: The universe always gave me projects that I can handle them.

Journal Day 10: Reaffirm it is okay to feel all my emotions

What I want to say to myself is
It is okay to make mistakes.
Read: Journal Day 2: It is okay to make mistakes

Mistakes means I need to pay attention to.
I will learn now I will help myself in the next time.

I want to listen to myself more.
When I listen to myself, I feel alot better.
No one can truly help me, if I don't help myself.
Read: Journal Day 6: I listen to myself

It is okay to feel sad, anger, frustrated.
Today, I allow myself to feel all my emotions.

Journal Day 9: I cherish myself

Today I want to say I cherish myself. I did a resonance for a iopt client. I have seen how he has being harshed / ignored himself. I can related to that I long for my mother's love, I suffered when I couldn't get it.

Through scolding, It is also part of the connection with mother/family. How can I love and trust myself? Stop harming myself with harsh words.

I feel that when I love myself, the people around me also be kind to me. When I trust myself, I am able to respond to people appropriately. I don't have to live in fear or anger anymore.

Oh Yah, my finances have improve as well. I no longer feeling stres over money. I understand when I take care of myself, money will take care by itself. *Love*

As much as anybody else in the universe, I deserve my love and affection.

Journal Day 8: The body keeps the score

Today I want to say 再远的距离，其实很靠近。I want to feel myself and feel my heart. I want to support myself.

I feel good when I spend time with myself. Like today, Spend time understand myself, listen to myself to find out what exactly myself want to tell me. 相信自己，多一点信任，多一点自在。

I still feel a lot of anxiety in the body. The book,"The body keeps the score." This is the stress hormones that keeps in my body. The events have over, but the body still doesn't know yet. I want to tell my body to relax, take a deep breath in, I could feel the anxiety from my shoulders, upper back and lower back.

Solutions
- Eating healthy diet for the antioxidants and nutrients
- Exercise and stretch body to release the tension in my body
- Rest to allow my body to recharge
- Breathing to remind myself I am living

Journal Day 7: I am beautiful inside out

Today I want to say to myself: I am beautiful inside out. I am caring and understanding. I am learning to understand myself a bit better, such as I like simplicity, I like spaces, decluttering helps me to see things more clearly. I don't need a lot, just need the right people, right things into my life.

I can feel my own vibration. I am glad that people love to talk to me. I am approachable. Nothing in this world can't be resolve. With love and understanding, things will be able to work out eventually.

I believe everyone in this space has his own purpose, potential and mission.

I hope in this lifetime, I can truly fulfil my life purpose, I reconnect with myself, the true and authentic Rachel Won.

Journal Day 6: Listen to myself

Today is Teachers' Day, what I feel like saying is I want to thank myself for starting to be willing to listen to myself.

I am grateful for the teachers and mentors who came into my life. Thank you for making an impact and difference into my life.

Today I resonate for a client, Yvonne from HK. I feel like I am also like her, ignoring myself, I feel her pain. I finally understood how sad my younger self was feeling. I felt her pain. Feeling ignored, unwanted and sadness. My younger parts are asking me what can they do to be seen, loved and care for.

Okay, I heard it loud and clear.

I feel that
- Hugging is one of the ways
- Pay attention to my own needs
- Listen to myself
- Do things that I care about
- Show love to myself

Journal Day 5: Resilience

Today I want to tell myself I am awesome! Despite all the challenges that I faced, I still managed to overcome them. That is what resilience is all about.

Without challenges, there is no resilience, no wisdom, no strength.

Tonight talk is about resillence - how to overcome against odd.
What I remembered was mistakes / pains are just paying attention to our physical pain / emotional pain. I allow myself to feel angry / sad and there is no need to hide.

Don't fight alone, ask for help. It is a form of humanity and courage. Go with the flow.

Today I put $100 in my wallet. I feel that I am slowly growing up. I can handle my money better. I am able to receive more money into my life. Thank you Universe!

I trust myself.

Journal Day 4: Just ask for it

Toaday I want to tell myself that I can have anything I want in my life. I just ask for it.

Thank you and I allow myself to receive it.
I want back my health.
I want myself.
I trust myself.
I am rich in values.
Money flows in naturally.
I have a growth mindset.
I take care of myself.
I feel loved when I hug myself.
I cherish myself.
I value myself.
I am doing this for greater good.

Journal Day 3: I am good enough

Today, I want to tell myself I am good enough.
I have beating myself up emotionally.
Enough is enough.

I am good enough for myself.
I don't need to prove myself to anyone.
I can be myself.

Rachel, remember you have your own strengths.
Never compare yourself with anyone.
You are unique.
You are talented.
You are a miracle.

I love you from the bottom of my heart.
PS: This pen is imperfect but I still embrace its flaw.