Day 276: Honest with myself

I want to be honest with myself. I haven't been treating myself very well.

Day 275: Each day is a blessing, Carefree Day 17

As today is my rest day, I decided to pick up this book, given by my dear friend. It is a lovely book written by Anna Barnes, how to quieten your mind. It contains many beautiful images and text.

As early as 2008, I was told that I am enough. It was very hard to grasp, especially I always feel that I don't have enough all the time.

Of course, after many years of healing and self acceptance, I begin to feel I am enough, there is abundance around me. I am grateful. I am no longer feeling stuck. I am so much closer to myself now. Feeling more of Rachel now than anybody else. A client just paid me without me delivering the work first. He has so much trust and faith in my work. Of course, I will do my best for him.

Each day is indeed a blessing for me. Thank you.
#FunReading #QuietenYourMind

Day 274: Zen art - Sunflower

I like to draw Sunflowers as they bring brightness and cheerfulness into the space...

Decided to draw for Ruth... She was very happy to receive my card. A little kindness goes a long way

#ZenArt #Sunflowers

Day 273: GAB 6 Life Work and Career Reflection

I spend most of my life working. Work took away almost half of my life. As a child, I have an inclination in arts and drawings. However, my parents and most of my early childhood teachers were unable to see it. My mum is a home maker and my dad is a stock taker, their message to me were I need to work very hard for my money. I really suffered in my early days of my career. On top of that, they think my drawings or my work are ugly. Only one day my design teacher, Wendy Lee, asked me if I would like to explore design career when I graduate. I took her advice and my first job is becoming a web designer.

When I first begin my 1st job, my artworks were indeed awful and amateurish. As I progressed, I start to like design work, sometimes I can spend long hours just to get one piece of artwork complete. After designing graphics and websites for 15 years. My designing skills have become a second nature to me. It may be tough in the beginning, but I manged to overcome my own obstacles.

I developed life goals in 2008, when I want to improve and get better in my career.

There was no negative effect on the jobs that I applied. Because I know what I want at that point of my life. I probably felt I am disadvantage is I was unable to articulate well compare to my peers.

Yes, there are definately experiencing peaks and valleys in my career. I received a few awards in my career. They are a form of recognition. I also have good results in the later part of my studies that I took.

The downfalls are the 2 key courses that I took. When I had 2 depressions in year 2006 (Due to studies) and 2012 (Asiaworks, Personal Development). They break my thinking pattern and challenge me to take new paths. From corporate to self-employed, be more courageous to take an entrepreneurial path.

Yes, I am happy and contented to my life work. I am proud of myself, how far I have come along. However, I still need to strengthen my communication and leadership skills.

I don’t mind to choose this life work again but I am willing to explore people development type of work. I find them interesting as it touches lives and I also can understand myself a lot better.

What have you liked most and least about your life work? I like when I came out with beautiful ideas and concepts and I know I have given my best to the work that I done.

The least is when client once asked me to change 20 times of the same artwork. I feel it was pretty insane. I had a fight with her. But I did apologise to her. Apparently, she later on award me on Excellence service award in 2005. Currently when I meet such client like this, I will politely ask them if they can confirm the content so that we can be more productive in our work.

Based on my working experience, If I would say about work to a young person just starting out in adult life.
I would say
- Be curious and courageous in what you do.
- Don’t regret on things that you think you should do but didn’t do. It is over!
- Be persistence and have the grit that never gives up.
- Keep learning and growing.
- Stay humble even you think you are right.
- Have fun in your life, Life is not all is about work.

Day 272: Theory of Everything

An incredible story about Jane and Stephen Hawking.
"There should be no boundary between human endeavour," said Stephen Hawking
Despite of Stephen's illness, he never stops exploring life. That's what makes him who he is.
Everything is not just a story about the science behind the beginnings of our universe, but the science of love.
How life's challenges that we face everyday, shape who we are and what we achieve. I personally feel that hope goes a long way. Where there's life, there's hope.


I say YES to my life!
#TheTheoryofEverything #StephenHawking

Day 271: KDrama - Coffee Prince

This drama is made in 2007. Choi Han-kyul (Gong Yoo) is the grandson of chairwoman Bang (Kim Young-ok) of Dong-in Foods, a company that has a thriving coffee business. He has never had a job and does not care for responsibility. Han-kyul is hung up on his first love, Han Yoo-joo (Chae Jung-an), who only sees him as a friend. Go Eun-chan (Yoon Eun-hye) is a 24-year-old tomboy who is often mistaken for a guy. Her father died when she was 16 years old and since then she has taken over as the breadwinner in her family. When Han-kyul and Eun-chan meet, he, not knowing that she is a girl, decides to hire her to pretend to be his gay lover so that he can escape the blind dates arranged by his grandmother.

After getting an ultimatum from his grandmother, Han-kyul takes over a rundown old coffee shop, later renamed "Coffee Prince," to prove that he's capable, both to his grandmother and to Yoo-joo. In order to attract female customers, he only hires good-looking male employees. Eun-chan, desperate for money, continues to hide her gender to get a job at Coffee Prince.

Soon, feelings start to develop between Eun-chan and Han-kyul. As Han-kyul is unaware that Eun-chan is a woman, he starts to question his sexuality and is thrown into turmoil. When Han-kyul finds out that Eun-chan is a woman, he gets angry. But soon, they make amends with each other and the two fall in love again. Eun-chan eventually leaves for Italy to study to become a barista with Han-Kyul's support. They maintain a long distance relationship and she returns after 2 years having become an accomplished barista.

Reflection
There are a lot of Korean dramas I love, but if I had to choose my all-time favorite drama, this is one of the lovely drama that I enjoyed. I can’t pinpoint exactly what is so great about Coffee Prince because it truly is one of those well-rounded shows where the stars just seem to align and make magic. The casting is great, the writing is great, the acting is great, the subject matter is still relatively relevant even in 2021, and every element seems tailored-made for the production. It’s sweet, romantic, fun and funny, full of heart Kdrama.

The past and current Gong Yoo and Yoon Eun-hye I just realised Gong Yoo acted in Guardian! No wonder I find him so familiar.

Day 270: FGS Global Online Dharma Test

我考完了！大多数的题目都会答。幸好是是非题和选择题，又能看题库，我一直翻答案 🤣 还好早上有抱佛脚, 佛陀有照顾我 😄

感谢这次的因缘，加强我的佛学知识。
尽力就好，功德圆满 Yay!
用了很多脑力，要休息了 😛

过了一个星期后。。。
佛学会考考得不错喔！
但是我还是要行在生活中。。。
佛陀有照顾我😄
继续加油😘

"初心易发, 恒心难持"
"不忘初心, 坚持到底"
#修行中 ＃国际佛学会考

Day 269 GAB 5 Spirituality Self Reflection

I felt very lost when I was in my 30s. I don’t know where my life will bring me. At the same time, I had depression for 2 years. I was looking for my spiritual answers. What is my life purpose in this universe? I needed guidance.

I found my answers in Buddhism. At age of 33, I decided to be a Buddhist, to practise the Buddha’s teachings. How to be a good being and help the people around me, while I continue to cultivate my own character and values.

Family Practise
In my family, we practised the Taoism way where we pray to ancestors and we also practise the Buddhism way, where my mum prays to Bodhisattvas and my sister pray to the Buddha but they don’t study the Dharma. They try to be a good human in this life. We have a Guan Shi Yin, Goddess of Compassion Statue in my living room, where my mum will pray for us every day to ensure our well-being and work is smooth and good.

As I mentioned, my family pray to my ancestors, so during my grandparent’s death dates, month of Tomb Sweeping Day and Lunar month of July, we will pray to the deceased for peace and may they reborn at a better place.

In the past, I felt uncomfortable and I didn’t understand why do we have to pray and hold the joss sticks and make the place so messy, pollute the environment and do a lot of praying preparation for people who have passed on. But now I understand. To pray to our ancestors is to acknowledge their contribution and to appreciate what they have done for us. It is based on love and respect for them, and the belief that they have a continued existence. It cultivates filial piety and family loyalty, and motivates people to continue the family traditions.

As these practise are still Chinese tradition, I try to educate my parents to pray vegetarian food, burn less offerings as they don’t need them so that my ancestors can get more merits than demerits.

My Own Practise and Reading Spiritual Books
As I am the only “official” Buddhist in my family, I practise the tradition way of Buddhism. My main practices are meditation, sutra calligraphy and reciting heart sutra. Most of the time, I do it alone but at times when I attend the retreat, it will be in groups, not more than 50 people. There are benefits in doing alone, I can do whenever I feel that I need to do, for group retreat, you can sense the energy is stronger and calmer, lesser distractions.

Sometimes I went to Brahm Centre for mindfulness retreat. They embrace all kinds of religions. We are open to share our practise and it is non religion. I think it is very comfortable and safe space to practise spirituality. There is no judgement on other faiths.

I have many spiritual teachers in my life. I read many spiritual books. Before I become a buddhist, I read Dr. Wayne Dyer, change your thought, change your life and Louise L. Hay, You can heal your life. Ven Thubten Chodron, Tibetian nun, Transforming our daily activities, Ajahn Brahm, Opening the door of your heart. I started to read Ven Master Hsing Yun books, I decided I want to become a Buddhist in this lifetime.

What Spirituality means to me
Spirituality encompasses all beings, there is no need to judge who is better and wiser. At the end of the day, all beings want to be enlightened from our own practise.

As I mentioned, I felt very lost when I was 30s. I don’t know where my life will bring me. After 9 years of Buddhism practise, I feel supported and guided. To me, Buddhism is a way of life. How to live in the present moment.

Here are some of the questions I will ask myself from time to time.
- How can I love and grow myself mentally and spiritually?
- How can I free from my own mental and life suffering?
- How can I be wiser as I age and support others at the same time?

I used to wait for things to happen. I have been waiting all my life. Waiting for the "perfect" moment. Obviously, it didn't happen. It is an illusion that I had.

Today, I choose to take my own spiritual path that I have faith in. I am imperfect but
I am perfectly alright to take the actions that I need.

The answers are in the moments.
How might I 'be that one' today?

Day 268: GAB 5 Spirituality

Today, I attended 5th GAB, it is about spirituality and gender identity.

One of the excerises is Draw a picture of yourself as teen (stick figures are welcome!)

What did you wear? What did you say? （You can use speech bubble to indicate this）
I remembered I always like to wear the demin jumpsuit. Everytime my mum wash it, I will wear it. I really like it. Of course, I don't wear it anymore.

Write down the names of people whom you wanted to be like.
I want to be myself. Not other people. I see a lot of values about myself. I don't need and I don't want to be another person.

If you could speak once with the adolescent you once were, what would you say? what advice would you give?
I was a very shy and timid girl during my adolescent. I would tell younger self, "You are courageous. Take one step at a time and learn from different people, to gain knowledge. Take chances to experience life. I love you."

The older I get, the more I seek for inner peace, loving myself more, knowing that no one else can love me more than I do.



Yiruma - Love me.
There are no words to describe what I am listening on a deeper level. I get to decide how it makes me feel rather than the words telling me.

The melody of tranquility, calmness and harmony in his masterpieces are so amazing. It connects to the heart and the soul. I really can feel it with my whole heart This healing piece don't have lyrics but it just makes me feel understood in some way.
So emotional... So relaxing... So lovely...
I feel so loved and cherished :)

Day 267: Rejuvenate Day

It has been a very long while since I exercise, about 2 months. My body doesn't really want to move. But isn't I am making my body worse, accumulate more toxins? Don't worry, be happy.

I can't understand myself at times. There are days I am fully committed, discipline and I deliver what I want. There are days, I just felt that it is too routine. I need a break. To balance off the structure and strict rules that I built over the years.

Of course, there's no right or wrong. It is about balance. Too much good, is bad. Too much bad, is no good!

I am happy to put in drawing moments for myself. I recognise, this is so me. It is one way to connect and contact with myself fully. I am in love with myself. I feel so good! Even my coach says my face glows recently :)

Day 266: IOPT healing on Money

This afternoon I was going through my relationship with money. I started to emo a bit.
No doubt my relationship with money has improved. I feel that I still have to strive very hard for money to come by.

I went through the bills one by one and see how much I can pay for this month. How much money do I need to make in order to make a profit each month and how much money can I attract? These are realistic questions and there is no way to escape but to be truthful to myself. I see the numbers at least I know in my heart that these are the amount that I have to make.

It could be a coincidental or a good alignment to help the client.
I was asked to be a resonator for a client process. Her issue is also her relationship with money. I was quite shock and amazed that her emotions and feelings are exactly how I feel about money. The interesting part, her experiences with money are almost same as mine.

I felt that she understood my pains and sorrows that I had to deal with money. My internal state didn't want money, but the truth is I still have monthly bills to pay, right? When the client cried badly, I can empathise with her. This was exactly how I feel about my life too. The anxiety just came out, I understood because I don't trust money and that has to do a lot with mother.

This month, I am going to do my money process so that I understand and confirming what is hindering me all these years. In the past, I didn't want to face it because it is too painful. But if I don't face the real pain, the money issue will always be there. Wish me luck!

Day 265: GAB 4 Health and Wellness Self Reflection

Wholistic Wellbeing Journey
When I was a baby, I wasn’t born to be healthy. My mum told me that her gynae gave her the wrong medication when I was in my mum’s womb. She also told me that she fell down twice while she carried me during my womb’s time. Hence, I don’t feel safe and welcome in this world.

During my childhood days, although my mum was a housewife. She didn’t have time for me. My dad has to work so I hardly saw him at home. I needed my parents’ attention. To me, falling sick is a “good” way to get their love and attention. Of course, I know it was a foolish thinking. That is how badly a child wants love and attention from their parents.

As my medical doctor was caring, I went to visit him often. His caring words made me feel that I am being cared for! He couldn’t understand why I fell sick so easily. Now I reflected, I probably wanted his attention. When I was in my 30s, around 2008, I wanted to find my own meaning in life. What are the ways can I make myself less stressful and feeling more alive? I started to look for my own answers.

I decided to made a U-turn for those unhealthy choices. I start to exercise in 2012, I have been eating “healthier” food, exercise regularly, that includes running 10km. My intention is to have a healthy lifestyle. It seems like these efforts were too late. At age 40s, I was diagnosed with Diabetes, 13.7 and High Cholesterol 4.4 in March 2018. I was shocked because since I have been taking care of myself. Why do I have such chronic illness? At the back of my mind, it was almost impossible.

Instead of accepting the illness, I got even more upset and frustrated emotionally and mentally. The illness got worse as I was feeling injustice, even though I tried to eat healthy foods every day. When I ate healthy foods with negative emotions, how can my body absorb the good nutrients? It seems like wasted effort, time and money.

One day, a wise friend told me to change the way I think about this illness. Transform it into a friend, instead of a burden.

I also uncovered that I wanted to save my mum, who is having 3 highs, high blood, high cholesterol and diabetes unconsciously, to reduce her illness suffering. Unfortunately, I can never do that for her. I can only help myself.

I heed my friend’s advice; I changed my thoughts. Instead of 2 suffering people (my mum and I) living together, suffered in silence, may I be the one to make 2 people healthier. Somehow the feeling of bitterness faded away, I got better.

I learnt from 2 nutritionists, how to prepare clean and healthy food, plant-based diets. I tried to understand what are the health benefits when I choose to eat boiled or steam food, instead of processed or oily food. Increase in fiber and nutrients and reduce in meat intake. It is indeed living a life with a healthy intention.

I also started making changes in my kitchen cupboards, putting the nutritious food in the cupboards and fridge. I even labeled my muesli jar, so that I can take back my ownership. This helps me to reprogram my mind that I can’t change what has happened to me, but I can change how I respond to my life.

Fast forward, my blood sugar is currently 8.0 and my cholesterol is 2.5, as of 24 May 2021, it is borderline case. My hard work and heart work pay off. It is not that easy to change. Need to change mindset, educate myself what to eat and have discipline to follow through. At least, it is working for me. Now I understand it is not just about making changes to my body (physical aspect only), also about my mental and emotional aspects. That is why it is called Wholistic Well-Being!

I trust the healing process; I am still working on my wellness. I celebrate every small healthy step that I take and gain back my health.

Day 263: GAB 3 Money Self Reflection

My father family was considered quite well to do and my mother comes from poor family. However, my immediate family considered a middle-income family, Money is currently enough for the family. We don’t have to worry much about money. My parent’s house is already paid for. We own 2 cars. We have a helper to help us. We are living comfortably.

Childhood background
My Dad earned the money during my childhood he was in charge of the money flow as he paid the bills, balanced the check book. As my mother is a homemaker, he will give my mother household allowance monthly. My Dad is the sole breadwinner. He always says, “Money is hard to earn. Don’t anyhow spend.”

True enough, I really adopt his way of thinking and I struggled with my money and I find it so hard to grow my wealth. I am not poor but I am neither rich too. I get the freedom that I always wanted. Plan my schedule and the tasks that I want to do. I allow my things to flow through.

My mother was the one who distributed the household allowance, gave the allowance of $10 to me every week. She always says, “Things are expensive. Better don’t anyhow spend.” That gives me a mindset not to spend extravagantly. I believe money was hard to come by. Even I had money. that is useful for me, I will think very hard before I buy that item. Eg. Upgrading my PC, buying stationeries etc. I was wondering why my peers can make money so easily and swiftly. I was bluffed. Then I realised they don't have the money issue like me, they had other issues.

My relationship with Money
Money gave me lots of pain in the past. I don’t remember the first time I earned money. If I remember correctly, I just use the money to settle my living expenses only. Due to strong negative feelings about money. This is probably one of the reasons, why I was scammed by a stranger over money.

Has a financial windfall or major loss changed your life? How did it impact your life?
My first lie about my financial situation at age of 9. I was being blackmailed by a classmate. I had to lie to my mum that I lost my money for the bus fee, $80. During that time, $80 is a huge sum of money for a 9-year-old child. Just to pay my classmate and I didn’t have enough courage to report to my school teacher and in the end the classmate got suspended from the school she does other illegal things to other classmates.

Another poor relationship with money and trust, I was scammed by someone from the internet. It was the worst mistake that I had made about money decision. I had lost $22k, just like that. It was a very painful lesson. I choose to believe stranger words than my own family. My dad and my sister had to help me to pay. I paid my sister monthly.

When I reflected, I didn’t trust my own family. The trust was broken long time ago. I realised that I need to rebuild my family trust again. Money doesn't drop from sky. Efforts are required. I shouldn’t use my money so carelessly.

Things have changed after that, we put love before money now. We didn’t quarrel over money anymore as we handle our own money nowadays. My sister begins to trust me again as she sees me how I manage my own money. I will discuss with my family if I face some money issues. We treasure our relationships in the family.

Wealth Management
I learnt to manage my own wealth.
Pay myself first 10% every time money comes in.
I build my money system. I have a budget. I plan carefully where my money goes to.
If it is something I really need to invest / spent, I know when the money is going to come in and how I use my money. I manage money so much better. I am happy to put money at the right place now. Putting money into good use.

I put them in money baskets like
- Investment
- Savings
- Monthly Expenses
- Food
- Transport
- Fun
- Courses / personal development
- Business
- Donations
- Backup
- Travel (Optional)

Day 262: GAB 3 Money

Some "watch words" we heard whilst growing up
1. Money don't fall from the sky.
2. Money don't grow on trees.
3. Finish your rice, don't waste food.
4. If you don't study hard, you become a roadsweeper
5. You spend money like water, next time how you become rich?

Money Reflecting Questions
1. What role did money play in your family?
2. Was it scarce or plentiful?
3. How did your family’s financial situation compares to other people you knew?
4. Did your family think of itself as wealthy, middle-class or poor?
5. What were the challenges and implications of being in a particular economic bracket?
6. What are the challenges / rewards you deal with money?
7. What are your views about money?
8. How money impacted your life?

Writing Tips
1. Use humor, family saying, poetry, quotes (from letters), snippets of dialogue you remembered, a family tree (life map event), and even your favourite recipes.

2. Never stop when you are stuck. You may not be able to solve the problem, but turn aside and write something else. Do not stop together.

3. Trust your creativity ('intuitive' side)

Day 261: Covid Free, Carefree Day 16

The vaccinated people say
1. It is dangerous to be unvaccinated, you will be easily get covid.
2. You have lesser chance to be seriously sick.
3. The vaccines can increase the herd immunity.
4. The vaccines effiency will be about 95%, but later it dropped to 69%.
5. You will still have the possibilty to be sick and spread covid. Or worse, death.
6. You will have a lot of restrictions.

The unvaccinated people say
1. It is dangerous to take the vaccines. The vaccines are still under clinical trials, 3rd phrase. The Big Pharma still have 2 more testing phrases to go.
2. The natural immune system is stronger than the vaccinated immune system. It can fight various variant.
3. There is no herd immunity as the vaccinated people still can spread the virus.
4. There are other options to get over covid through ivermectin, natural healing and strengthen immunity.
5. You will still have the possibilty to be sick and spread covid.
6. Lost of freedom, almost having total control from the govts.

After access and reviewing covid cases for half a year.
I feel the covid, pandemic, vaccinations are all created by humans. I am not going to get involved now. They can do whatever they want.
I decided to make my own stand.

What I didn't like because it is against my principles are
1. The govts just make their own rules and decide for the people.
2. They didn't inform that their vaccines are still under clinical trials, they mention mild effects on headache, fever and small pains. Why mass vaccination when the clinical trials are still on going?
3. They are not responsible for it, should anyone fall really ill or deaths.
4. They do it for the economy, not because the situation is safe. Just because they want to open up the economy, so at the expense of human lives???
5. The vaccinated people are equally struggling as the unvaccinated.

So who are we saving right now? We don't know.

What I would do for myself
1. I will take care of my own immune system.
2. I will exercise, sleep early, rest well.
3. I will eat more nutritious food.
4. I will eat Vit C, D and Zinc supplements.
5. I will focus on my aspects of my life, that matters to me.
6. I will never have to deal with Covid in my life.

Day 260: GAB 2 Family Self Reflection

My immediate family is small to begin with, consist my parents and 1 sibling. My mum has a strong mind of her own, she will make most of the family decisions at home and we will follow.

The closest relationship I have is My sister. We used to fight and screamed a lot with each other during our childhood but we became a lot closer after she got married. She has become my best friend, after we cleared our childhood misunderstanding and we share a lot what is happening in our life, especially Ting Ting has become our bundle of joy now.

The most distant relationship I felt is with my dad, I don’t really know how to communicate with him. Most of the time, he just asked me to do his things. That is the relationship / connection with him.

For my 2 family role models, my mum is the active one and sociable and she talks and nags a lot. Because she is sociable, she has many friends. My dad is hardworking, he is a quiet man he likes to do things to show that he cares. Most of the time he got misunderstood because he can’t express himself well, I sort of model him and my sister model my mum.

As my family lack of communication, we do our own things. As a child, I don’t feel loved and supported by my family. We don’t connect emotionally.

Family Rules
Talking about family rules, there are a lot. I need to report to her where I go and I need to reach home before 10pm. If I am at home, dinner will be at 7pm. Last time my mum will nit-pick whatever things that I do. It is always not good enough for her and I felt hurt. My mum talks super loudly at home. Sometimes it is unbearable. She will say we need to worry if she doesn’t speak loud enough! That is partly why I didn't like to stay at home, to stay out of her viewing area, to be away from her nags.

My mum, dictates her way and now my sister, because she models my mum, and she became a mother, her character somewhat becomes more and more like her and sometimes, I feels that I have 2 mums at home.

Family Hero
My grandfather (father side), how he runs his coffeeshop and take care of 10 children, 5 boys and 5 girls, send them to university. He doesn’t look down on women, he feels that all children need to have equal education. My dad learns the good values from my grandparents, especially my grandfather. That is why my dad supports me when I told him I want to study and upgrade myself.

We don’t have any family’s philosophy of life. I think probably unspoken one will be we strive to be a good person. Good family values, keeps us bonded. Of course, I have grown up, I understand where the house rules coming from, my mum fearing that my sister and I from straying, which we never did! The need to keep the environment clean so that it will become a warm, comfortable and cosy place to live in.

Area of improvement for my family
I hope to have better communication and understanding among ourselves. To have the freedom of speech and empathy among family members. After all, we are family, who happens to bond together because love exists.

Day 259: GAB 2 Family

"

This week theme is family.

I am learning about Clustering.
- helps with focusing
- assists with image words
- brings forth all your senses
- mind mappings
- fresh ideas
- visual map of brainstorming
- Free association
- Write more effective sentences

My family, my self
"All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." - Leo Tolsyoy

Here are some questions about family dynamics to reflect upon.
1. Who held the power in your family and made the major decisions? How do you know?
2. Which family members have you felt closest to, and which ones felt most distant? Why?
3. Did you like your family and feel supported and loved?
4. Were there any family members you were afraid of?
5. What were the rules in your family about eating, cleaning up, dressing, and so forth? When you sat down to dinner, where did you sit?
6. Is there anything about your family that seems unusual to you?
7. What is the history of your family? What were its origins, and how were its major figures?
8. Did your family have any hero figures who had stories told about them?
9. Did your family have a philosophy about life that was discussed and that you were expected to adopt? What were the ‘shoulds’ and ‘oughts’ in your family? What favourite sayings illustrate your family’s philosophy of life?
10. If you are unmarried and do not live with any blood relatives, how have you created a sense of “family” in your life?

Family isn't always Blood. It's the people in your life who want you in theirs. The ones who accept you for who you are. The ones who would do anything to see you smile and who love you no matter what." - Maya Angelou

I find this quote meaningful because there is love. Love is not just words or actions, it must be felt. #JustDrawing #Family

Day 258: About the Covid Vaccines

Someone wrote this and I thought it was beautifully written.

Out of all the vaccines I have taken in my life: Tetanus, rubella, measles, mumps, polio hep, TB;

Never before have I seen so much confusion over a vaccine that says I have to wear a mask, and socially distance even when fully vaccinated.

Apparently I could still contract or spread the virus even when fully vaccinated.

Never had to have a double shot, never been bribed by establishments to take the vaccine in order to win a car, cash, or other prizes. Never before has a vaccine be available in Primark…!

I never had to worry about cardiac issues and or blood clots and DEATH as a side effect.

I was never judged if I didn’t take it.

I was never discriminated against for travel or other regular services.

The vaccines I have listed above never told me I was a bad person for not taking it, or taking it for that matter.

I have never seen a vaccine that threatened the relationship between a family member or a close friend.

Never seen it used for political gain and never seen it used to persuade kids in favour of free ice cream.

I have never seen a vaccine threaten someone’s livelihood, job, school, etc.

I have never seen a vaccine that allows a twelve year old’s consent to supersede his/her parent’s consent.

So after all I have said, can someone tell me how I am a conspiracy theorist, uneducated, non researched because I am not willing to take this vaccine. UNTIL the clinical trials are over at least two years from now.

Finally, after all the vaccines (shots) I listed above, I have never seen a vaccine like this one that discriminates, divides, and judges a society such as this one.

So much information is censored, deleted and removed from the internet.

So many doctors, scientists, are censored and forbidden to speak out or ask legitimate questions when what is being allowed or not allowed does not make sense.

People are taking this vaccine with DEATH as a side effect to buy back their freedom (which was your human right to begin with. You never lost it) NOT to prevent or keep you safe from a virus. Because it isn’t working. People who are double jabbed are getting it and still dying from it.

Seriously. Can you read that again?

This sure is one powerful vaccine. IT does all of these things that I have mentioned and yet? It doesn’t do what all the other vaccines that I have mentioned earlier were designed to do which is to fight off COVID, a virus with a natural recovery rate of 99% thanks to our miraculous immune system!

If you do not stand for freedom of choice then you are not in any way shape or form trying to get this country back to normal.

You are promoting a divisive society. Subjecting people to second class existences and stealing the freedom from your own and children’s future.

Day 257: KDrama - Bride of Habaek

Bride of the Habaek (Water God) is about a Water God, Habaek (Nam Joo Hyuk) who has to go to the human world to recover magical stones so that he can become king. He locates his servant Yoon So Ah(Shin Se Kyung) whose family is cursed to serve him for eternity. It is a love story between a god and human.

I felt this drama fall shot as a fantasy/magical romance, it failed big time. There was hardly any magic or demonstration of powers in the drama.

Most of the plot lie flat and super slow and air time is wasted on scenes, which don’t offer much storyline. Usually there is a slight build up (often near the end of an episode) which results in NOTHING when the next episode starts. This quality remains consistent throughout the drama.

The gods’ world was well presented but it suffered because of poor direction, writing and weakly developed characters. In fact, I hope to see more in the heavenly scenes. The stylists, makeup artists, set designers and special effects team did a great job. This is definitely one of the strong points of this drama.

The casting was nice and the acting was pretty good too. I think every actor had their good moments and gave their best, even when the direction wasn’t clear.

Although it was a romance-based story and with some cute moments, the romance between the leads didn’t have much foundation or strength. The storytelling had ZERO charm and the writing was a total mess from beginning to end, even though they already had a ready made plot. Usually there are protagonist and antagonist in a normal storyline. In the end, everyone's characters are somewhat the same.

I was quite bored and lost in the middle, where there is no explain why Habaek's human form first love had to die, why did the demi god was outcast, why Habaek sometimes have power and sometimes don't, he looks so confused all the time... He is supposed to be the future king! I was completely lost half the time. The script was pretty vague. It’s very hard to understand what the characters are feeling, what their intentions are and where the story is going.

The director wasn’t able to express the thoughts of the characters well and execute situations properly for the the most part especially during the heart to heart conversations. It was hard to undertand what the director was trying to project, for instance every time Yoon So Ah reached out to grasp Habaek’s shirt or the aggression between various characters.

There are some story lines not closely connected to the main plot which come to the surface every now and then yet have no clear conclusion. There are A LOT of unanswered questions left at the end and the happily ever after the writers struggled so hard to create has nothing happy about it.

I felt I have wasted 16 hours of my time to watch this. I would give a 4/10 the 4 goes to the gods’ world creation and the casts' acting efforts. I won't recommend anyone to watch this drama.

Day 256: The Best Of YIRUMA Yiruma's Greatest Hits ~ Best Piano

This music album gave me so much comfort whenever I listen them.

Kiss the Rain is one of the trigger points when I recalled during my primary school period. The self critical happened when my parents, especially my mum, started to nitpick everything that I do... Everything seems not to be good enough for her...

As I grew up, I became the mother to myself, Sometimes I feel that I can never meet my own expectations.... I wasn't good enough for myself, a part of me had died *Sob Sob*



Yiruma, kiss the rain, it might be something painful that has happened in his life. I can feel the sadness in this piece of music... That's why everytime I feel like crying too when I listen but at the same time I feel very comforting as if I have been understood... No need words, just silence will do...

After hearing a few more rounds of this piece of music, what I felt is live life without regrets. I can never gain more time, I can only make the best out of my own time.

I also feel some strength after listening to this.... No matter how big is the rain, the rain will pass one day.

3 Things I am grateful for today
1. I am grateful that I am still alive and I didn't give up myself.
2. I am grateful to be part of this supportive System of the Heart community to find back myself.
3. I am grateful that I have connection with myself.