What I have learnt

I watched "Pursuit of HAPPYNESS" that day. It's a inspiring show but yet I felt that it's a super serious show that I fall asleep. It's about a man, acted by Will Smith, who has straight "A"s for his studies and ironically he is jobless and this movie showed how he is able to turn his life from a lousy to a positive life.

It was the completely opposite for mine. I finally have the courage to share my worse setback. It happens when I chose to go back to the school for my degree. That time, I felt that my career is in a stagnant mode. I felt that I worked like a factory operator, worked like a zombie everyday. I need to break free from such routine.

I always love to learn new things to enrich myself. I thought I have prepared myself to go back to school. Filled with so much hope and high expectations about myself. After 1 month, I felt that the feeling is awkward and lousy. Probably the lecturers are around my age, somehow their teaching simply outcast from my mind. What I felt at that time is that the lecturers basically didn't teach much at all. Just throw you with assignments and critics sessions and expect you to perform miracles.

Okay I'm not a magician, I cannot perform magic. I'm not able to work fast and think fast on my feet. Thus, I have been struggling. I have problems with making friends; probably they are too young for me. I simply can't click with them. The worse enemy is not other people other than myself. The fear within me forced me into vicious cycle. At first, I was stressed, then I couldn't sleep thus followed by I could not even think properly which leads me into having depression.

Fortunately, after 4 months of "mental" torture, I have decided to do something for myself. Went to the net and find a new job. I'm asked to go for an interview. I was asked to design few powerpoint slides. I was freak out because i have lost all my confidence in designing. However, I told myself that i must do it at least for myself and I gave my last shot. I always take pride in all my work and that's my tiny little confidence that i have left. Strangely, i was hired.

I still have not recovered my depression. I still felt that i am a lousy designer that doesn't have creative mind. Then one day, my boss told me why i got hired that day. They hired me because I'm able to do a professional job, I have long years of experience and I'm able take my own initiative to think.

After hearing that, I'm completely flattered because I never thought my positive mindset can change my life completely. Yes, I'm able to stand on my feet again. The feeling is beyond words. Yes, I have finally pursuit of my own "HAPPYness".