What have I learnt about romance

Today is bodhisattva's special day. At first I thought that it is bohisattava's birthday then my mum told me it is bodhisatta's special day.

I went to wish her happy birthday. With bodhisattava's great compassion, I felt that I need to share with her my heart. I need her guidance.

When I was young, I believed that there is one person I would love in my own entire life. I met my first boyfriend during poly times at the age of 17. During that time, I didn't know what romantic love is all about. I had this fuzzy feelings, easily get happy, sad, worked up easily because sometimes he cares and sometimes he doesn't and thus sometimes confused on this romance. The romance only lasted a year as he requested to make love to me, I wasn't prepared at all because from my understanding making love was meant to do it after married. Both of us were hurt and we decided to move on. He taught me I need to have faith in love.

I met my second boyfriend, he was very thoughtful and caring. The feeling about him is steady and calm. We have many good memories as we spend our time from poly till working life. It lasted for 6 years. His mum didn't like me but she accepted me who I was eventually. However, he become ambitious and wanted to setup a business with his friend, I didn't agree with him because I didn't really know what he wants in life. He said why can't I be more supportive over his career? He didn't really care much about our relationship and I have nothing much to talk to him either. His partner cheated on him and he didn't make the business worked. He borrowed money from me. Out of goodwill, I lend him. Although it took years for him to return me the money. Eventually he did. He taught me to be down to earth and know when to be supportive and have similar values and life direction in order for the relationship to work.

I fall for a good friend of mine. However, he was with someone at that time already. Thank god that I never get involved with him. I still wished him and his wife all the best everytime I see him because he taught me what is being faithfulness.

I was hurt and I stopped searching for romance until few years later, I met a doctor online, at first I didn't believe that he is a doctor. Because there are scams online. Eventually, we hit off as friends. He seems nice at first then one day I was a bit late, he shouted at me because he called 7 times and I never picked up his calls. To me is an small issue. I apologised and the next time he was late, I waited for him for 2 hours, he never say anything and as though nothing has happened. I never expect anything from him until one day, we saw someone lying on the floor near the road. I asked him to go over and see what was going on, he said it is okay as there are so many people crowding around that person. I felt that he should do something but he didn't. We broke up because I felt that I shouldn't be with someone who is so cold. He let me realise that I have a compassionate heart.

I met another person, we have the similar childhood, same common dreams, to me he seems like a long lost friend. We clicked off very well, we shared a couple of memories but it didn't last because he is not truthful. I was once again hurt. He let me realised how important trust and commitment are in the relationship.

I was standing in front of bodhisattava, I cried really loud today. It is a good cry I must say. I have not given up hope on love because love heals. If bodhisattava asked me what have I learnt, I will tell her that I have learnt more about myself. Love have understanding, faith, compassion, trust, commitment, forgiveness, honesty, acceptance and fun.

Afther a good cry, I saw rainbow. I think universe is kind enough to let me listen to this song.