Part 1
"Rachel, Ms Chua got a stroke."
"How did it happen? How is she now?"
"Ms Chua quarrelled with a colleague just now and now they sent her to the hospital."
I remembered in my teens, working in my dad's company, Ms Chua was someone who was impatient, easily frustrated and likes to do things her way.
She was successful in her career. The industry people respected her. However such anxiety and anger doesn't do her good in a long run.
Ms Chua is about to retire this year. She was looking forward to her retirement, but such event has hit her badly.
Part 2
The society has given us a lot of invisible pressure. We need to be successful in our career, in our family, in our networks.
Does it mean we are not successful means we are a failure?
Is being successful really that important?
I personally feel it was overrated.
Part 3
7 years ago, I decided to leave the corporate world.
I worked long hours, quarreled with my colleagues at times, feeling anxious, stressed and feeling unhappy.
"Rachel, you need to stay back late today until the client replies."
"You mean client's time is his time, my time is not mine?"
"I am sorry we have to wait for the client."
I was feeling super upset. My boss knew how hard I worked and he gave me $1k added on to my salary.
But that increase in amount didn't bring me joy. In fact, I felt even worse, because I had to work even harder.
I had to deal with my collegues' unreasonable requests and clients' high expectations.
My quality of life has compromised.
Part 4
I felt like I needed something more in life.
It feels like my feet has outgrown and I cannot wear back the same old pairs of shoes anymore.
I feel that I needed more than just a high salary job, paying my bills and wait for my retirement.
I needed my life back. I decided to re-pioritised my life.
I know exactly what I don't want
No Overtime work
No back stabbing colleagues
No demanding clients
When I reflected what I want.
I felt so lost.
I do not know what I want.
For the entire 10 years, I have been working and I have no life.
After I left the corporate world with the experiences that I have accumlated, I setup my own design company, building a team and volunteering work.
But nothing come close to realise this truth.
I want myself.
That's all?
Yes, that is it.
You must be wondering how can the truth be so simple, it got to be a complicated answer.
Yes, this is the answer I have been searching for. I want myself.
Part 5 - Conclusion
In life, we make many choices every single day.
The state of our mind is the most important thing we should be concern about.
When we are constantly feeling unhappy about our life, carrying too much unnecessary stress and worry. It doesn't improve the quality of our life.
Are these choices doing mostly for ourselves or for others?
When we lost the sight of ourselves, we are not truly living our own life.
We are just barely surviving.
Self care is never addressed in our society.
Since I started to I give myself 3 hours of self care each day. The experiences were so amazing.
My relationship with myself have improved tremenously. I trust myself a lot more and I made better decisions.
My relationship with parents have improved, from anger to compassion.
I attracted the clients that I want to work with, who are caring and loving.
We always feel that we need to give before we receive.
How about giving the love and care we need, before we give others.
We can't give what we don't have.
When we feel empowered, we make ourselves one step forward each day. That will empower others like a ripple effects too.
What choices you make determines what kind of life you have.
Do you want to live or survive? You decide.
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